I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
