He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
