a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
