So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize