my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
