I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
