if i can run in heels then i can drive
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
