i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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