But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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