i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
