we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
