Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
