And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
