PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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