peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
