brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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