What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
