Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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