i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
