It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
