Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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