We're facebook friends in real life
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
