It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
