My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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