ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
