i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
