i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
