Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I wish there were birth control emojis
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
