Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
