corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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