Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
