ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize