becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
