I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
