oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
