I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
