Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
