Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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