This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
