I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
