Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
