I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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