its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Do vagina's smell?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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