How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
