There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
