he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Still dying that you shit outside
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
