did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize