it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
