As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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