Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
