Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
