check it out our google latitudes are spooning
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize