haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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