So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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