Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We have so much sex to catch up on
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
