i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
