we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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