If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Randomize
