i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
