4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
