Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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